bottledWalter

Written: 4/26/01
Words: Walter Koning

The wind fell from my sails today
I was roaring ahead, full speed, aiming high, aiming fast
Past times and pastimes. I was ready to bring on summer
with a pocket full of singles and singleness

But no!

The wind fell from my sails today
A casual reminder of a one year review, responded to by a four month wait
Rather than two months ago for my money to grow
It’s four months more, working at this store

I’d be here anyway, I’d survive and do the same things even
So why the fallen sails today?
Why did it feel like I woke up Christmas morning to an empty floor?
Why did I smile less this afternoon?

I was roaring ahead, full speed, aiming high, aiming fast
Now I know my work is judged by time alone and merit later
No bonus for the hardwork
No merit based raises. No added incentive. No money for flying.

Bring on summer. I’ll ride my bike instead.
Strap a cloth to my back, let the wind fill my sails
In four more months I’ll write this all again

Written: 4/6/01
Words: Walter Koning

So many single people everyone waiting for a supermodel
You see an attractive person
Think they should have an attractive spouse
What about those ugly people
Who do they get?
I’d say I’m mediocre and I have the chance at anyone
Who’s to say that I don’t deserve a gorgeous babe?
What about those ugly people
They have a chance at anyone too
There’s nothing stopping a great looking female from being attracted
To a lumpy, lopsided, lazy looking man
But a guy is less likely to go for a woman who doesn’t have it going on

Or maybe it’s our goals
Maybe the woman sought after will match our lifestyles
Our vicarious dreams for our future
If we’re athletic we want an activity partner
If we read we want a literary foil
If we reflect upon the 1800’s the industrial revolution, the electronic age
We may desire a parallel mind
Someone who’ll feel the same, use the same tools, be submissive all the same

Physical features attract
Beauty maintains
Habits annoy
Common interests propel
Exactly alike stagnates

Written: 1/17/02
Words: Walter Koning

It was
Almost more fun
Admiring her from afar
It was
Great having Bren break the ice
I built up
A nerve big enough
To talk to her
And so I walked up
And talked to her
And her friends
Then just to her
For awhile
PR
She does PR
They’ve heard of Red Envelope
Negative Experiences, both of them
She and her friend

4/6/01
Words: Walter Koning

CGonTWTB
I saw her walking home from BART the other night
Skinny legs, high-heeled shoes, skirt around her waist
Backpack over her shoulder and arms shivering
I asked if she was freezing in her oh so business clothes
It was warm this morning, the sun melting Lafayette
Then over the hills you go and it’s cloudy the whole day
I was there, I know, but what about those clothes
I didn’t ask, she didn’t say, we kept up on our way

Like kids in school walking home, I was the boy trying to
Talk to the girl
She was the girl, stringing me along
We had our backpacks
We had boy meets girl
We had just walked from our “school” bus called BART

She said have a good night, I said you too
Now it’s been a week and she’s back
In my mind and on my path to BART
Raining today, still wearing a skirt
Umbrella in hand, still looking good
I casually pass her by then turn and say hello
She acknowledges me, we continue on
No longer school kids I don’t bother her again
A bid farewell at the turn-style
And a few casual glances
So long CGOL
May we meet again

Written: 3/29/01
Words: Walter Koning

7:40 train

Got on at Rockridge

Standing at the door by the end

Let her be

She got off after me

Written: 6/29/01
Words: Walter Koning

So it’s expected that I will be like a dog for you.
I’ll be poked and prodded.
You’ll tickle my side.
I’ll laugh as it’s fun.
You’ll say things to me when I’m not listening.
I’ll look at you funny.
You’ll make fun of me.
Or criticize me.
You’ll tell me to lay down.
I’ll do it, hoping to have my tummy rubbed.
You’ll rub it a couple of times then forget about me.
I’ll roll over or stand up and you’ll tell me to sit down.
I’ll do it out of respect but nothing more.
You’ll assume I want to sit there because I was so willing to do it.

What an assumption.
I’ll be taken advantage of,
forgotten about,
used, abused, and left to recover alone.
You’ll do everything you want to do,
while I’ll be expected to be ready for sitting,
laying down, being rubbed, poked, prodded, and
tickled when you’re ready.

I may like these things,
but not every time you want to do them.
I may like them at times that aren’t convenient for you.
So be patient with me,
and open for rebellion.
It may not be personal,
sometimes I’m just not ready for living
at the same time as you.

So if I have to, I will be like a dog for you.
But if you treat me like you treat a dog,
you’ll be left with only a dog to treat.

Written: 4/26/01
Words: Walter Koning

Put your best foot forward, all the time
Dress up for a wedding, and for suppertime

Sound intelligent, to pick up girls
Be intelligent, for the rest of the time

No reason to be immature toward those around you
Show your left foot, if it’s your best foot
There’s nothing wrong with being impressive
No need to gloat
No need to show off

Sometimes your best is when you listen and just kick back
Just do it well
Give of yourself
Allow others to vent to you
Allow others to be harsh with you
Just take it in
Let it slide

Ask them to give a disclaimer
So tomorrow you can vent right on back
Preceded by your own disclaimer,
“This isn’t me. I’m not trying to be mean.
I just have some stress to relieve.”

Put your best foot forward, all the time
Dress up for a wedding, and for suppertime

Sound intelligent, to pick up girls
Be intelligent, for the rest of the time

Written: 7/5/01
Words: Walter Koning

I long for brown
I long for long
Curly, straight, orange or red

I long for wavy, blonde, black or gray
I long for brown

Coarse, soft, greasy, grimy, dirty
I long for brown

Thick, thin
Not thinning, not gone
I long for brown

Brown as the mud
Brown as my pants
I long for brown
Full, flowing, feathered
Brown

Written: 5/3/01
Words: Walter Koning

I don’t wanta dance
No not tonight, don’t push me out
I don’t wanta dance
I’m not in the groove tonight
Bay-beh
I don’t wanta dance

My headaches gone
Only now that I’ve, drowned in this bar
My headaches gone
A beer washed it away,
Bay-beh
My headaches gone

I’m all dressed up, no place to go
Don’t have a date, none to show off for
I’m all dressed up, no place to go
No interview it’s just casual,
Bay-beh
No place to go

I can’t say no
Not to you babe, that you should know
I can’t say no
Be careful of what you ask for,
Bay-beh
I can’t say no

My minds a mess
Can’t say it’s from, lighting up grass
My minds a mess
Like jello it jiggles,
Bay-beh
My minds a mess

I don’t wanta dance
It’s not my thing, don’t force it on me
I don’t wanta dance
Except with you and you alone,
Bay-beh
I don’t wanta dance

Written: 4/25/01
Words: Walter Koning

Tall woman on Spear St.
How old are you?

You’re beautiful and wholesome
How old are you?

Blonde hair and high heels
How old are you?

Our paths crossed at Howard
How old are you?

You’re twenty-nine or thirty-three
Just like all the rest
When I’m your age you’ll be gone
And I’ll still be looking West
Hoping to find a woman my age
But there’ll be none found cause you were the best

Written: 4/25/01
Words: Walter Koning

As I took my lunch today
Had some time to stroll along the beaten path
The Embarcadero was filled and I was thrilled
Because the sunshine filled the air

Beautiful women, talkin’ to men
Coworkers, they must’ve been
Business attire, hair up in buns,
Lunch break or day off, it’s all so much fun

As I took my lunch today
Had some time to stroll along the beaten path
The Embarcadero was filled and I was thrilled
Because the sunshine filled the air

A woman my age, just up ahead
She’s sitting and gaming, an LCD game
I can’t help from staring, she’s calling my name
Slow and steady, I walked further away

I couldn’t approach her and she was all alone
I had a pickup line ready but I walked away
Why? Why? Why didn’t I say hello?
Oh! Jeez! She was all alone, but I walked away

As I took my lunch today
Had some time to stroll along the beaten path
The Embarcadero was filled and I was thrilled
Because the sunshine filled the air

Written: 3/15/01
Words: Walter Koning

BART girls
CGOB’s
Standing near the door
I watch her from afar
She glances over my way
I’m looking but turn away
Then I’m staring at her
A matter of time before she sees me
She glances over my way
I look deep into her eyes
She stares right back at me
For what seems an eternity
Only a short instance
Make my stomach do a little dance
Perhaps an Irish Jig
I continue to watch from afar
If she’s interested she’ll keep looking
I’ll stare a little longer
Ah ha she’s got a bead on me
She’s getting up
Walking my way
I’ll say hello. She’ll be my girl.
She takes a deep breath. I take her in.
The BART driver overrides this subtle script.
“Rockridge!”

BART guys
Pigs, all of them
Everyday it’s the same
Only new guys, still without names
I look good, a babe if you will.
I see this guy
Standing near the door
He’s staring at all the women
But I’m hoping for more
He looks my way
I stare right back
He wrenches out a little smile
I start to attack
I walk his way, intending to speak
He glances around, nonchalant so to speak
We exchange stares once again
He’ll be just like the rest
Stare all ride long but never
Say hello or make jest
I’ll open the conversation then
I take a deep breath. He’s still standing there.
I open my mouth. His ears perk up.
“Rockridge!”
Damn. Gotta go.

Written: 4/18/01
Words: Walter Koning

I’m a trooper
I’m your friend
I’m just happy to tag along
You’ve got this air about you that says I’ll be your friend forever
I don’t know how you do it
I can’t understand what makes you tick
How do you talk to anyone at all
How do you come across so confident all the time
She has this way about her
It’s a positive vibe I can’t explain
Maybe it’s her lack of academics or something else
Perhaps high self esteem
Whatever it is I’m envious because she takes it all so casually
I’m sure she’s got her weak moments
I mean, how could she possibly be so sure 24 by 7
Even now as people see me in the same way
I don’t feel like I am who people think I am
Their vicarious love of my life only makes me thrive for more
I see her the same way as people see me
I want to live vicariously through her
Enjoy what she enjoys
The way she does
As often as she does
I want to be confident like her
Like people see me anyway
You’ll help me out
The two of us will push each other toward greater heights
With your demeanor we’ll be like her soon enough

Written: 4/18/01
Words: Walter Koning

Whatever happens it really doesn’t matter
Today was good
Spend the day thinking of her
Who
The woman from last night
The friend of a friend
Spent the day thinking of her
Focusing pent up thoughts toward her
Who knows what’ll happen
Who cares
It doesn’t really matter
Today it was good

See the world through a glass in my hand
The glass is full today
So her age is mine plus ten
Who cares
My height is hers plus ten
Babies, birthdays, beer or bowling
Whoa, slow down, how about one day at a time
One day through a full glass, next to another day
Before birthdays or babies

Maybe she’ll be flattered
Maybe she’ll call
Tomorrow, the next, or is yesterday the only day
Is she too far removed from the world of deep conversations
And nonsensical laughs
Am I
Everyone, of every age
Thinks about their interests too much
Before anything really happens
It’s a twisted version of fun
There’s no escaping this period of wonder
Why would we want to?